New note.

New note. By Anuoluwapo Kehinde

Note, don’t sleep too long, your body gets used to it. Being in the dark. Being alone. Being immersed in nothing. Numbness.

Reminder, switch the light on as soon as you arise from bed, your duvet shouldn’t be your casket. It’s not safe for you there. Go towards the light.

Don’t forget, place your meds in a line, so you reach towards a horizon, a bottle of water to chase it down. Music playing in the background. Stay committed or be committed.

Write down, everyday, things that you are grateful for. Reasons that cause you to rise from bed. Places you don’t want to go again. Scratch pen to paper, let the ink blot, watch it run a little. You can’t get this freedom elsewhere.

Smile, because suffering shouldn’t be a constant emotion. Put a mask over the pain, that’s it. Let the edges of your mouth creep up. The tears in your eyes, they’ll make it seem like your eyes are glistening. They’ll pretend they are happy. Pinch your cheeks a little, bring some life back into you.

Now you’re ready.

Good morning world.

I won this one today.

Spite.

Spite. By Anuoluwapo kehinde

Love me in spite of the heartbreaks I’ve been through,

And the way I flinch when I hear you breathe in a little too deep,

Regardless of the amount of apologies I say for little mistakes

Like dropping cups from my anxious hands

And spilling tea on your brand new jeans.

Love me in spite of…

In spite of the way I forget to make a plate for you because I selfishly haven’t eaten

And you end up carrying me out of bed to feed me a bowl of rice whilst I protest

I know it’s not my duty to make sure you’re fed, I’m not your mother but neither is it yours to be mine.

I know it’s not what you signed up for, everyday, making sure I’m okay enough to get through another day.

I’m old enough to make my own meals and get out of bed but I’m not well enough to live.

So love me in spite of the headaches and migraines, the vacuum in my mind days, the shame that won’t go away, the darkness that has come here to stay.

Love me in spite of the open marriage to myself and my illness, the good and the evil, the hurricane in the middle

Love me in spite of everything

After all the forgiving and forgetting, healing and regretting, love me in spite of all the pain I brought you

I never intended for my condition to reach you, contagious like a new virus flu, the type that keeps you bed bound for days, days on end.

Love me in spite of it all.

Concept 1✨

The saying, “what happens in the dark will come to the light.” Could potentially mean something different to what we know now.

Generally the saying implies that what you do in secret will be exposed. This is true, but I began to think about those who do get away with secret things and are yet to be exposed.

For these situations, I came to the realisation and understanding that the saying may have religious connotations.

As we know, biblically, God is light. The idea of what you do in secret will be exposed may not necessarily be that obvious. Instead, what we do on earth and believe is secret, is seen by God, who is the light. When judgement day or the day of your death occurs, you and your secret deeds will be brought to the light, which is God.

Essentially, what that teaches is, God knows the secret things we do and will judge us for it, even if we are not held accountable on earth. There is no escaping what you’ve done in the dark, as through religious implications, you’ll be exposed and Judged for it by God.

Thankfully, we have the grace of God and his mercy is always constant. So forgiveness can be asked for, and with God you know your sins will be forgotten once you’ve been forgiven.

What do you guys think about the saying? Do you share a similar view? Let me know in the comments!x

Hiccup in Spring

Hiccup in spring. By Anuoluwapo Kehinde

Three years of therapy,

Four months of sertraline,

I thought I was fine.

I’ve found that it’s dangerous to stand by the beach watching the horizon

I’ve gotten lost in the beauty of the scenery and forgot to note,

When the tide came in.

I thought I was fine,

Kept my eyes above the waters,

I didn’t see the sharks lurking below.

Depression is a low blow,

A hungry shark,

A well known dictator, I’ve silently obeyed.

Be weary of the good things

Not everything that glitters is gold,

I’ve found that happiness, is a new shade of pain

When the sun disappears and the sky becomes night

Hold your breath, so you don’t drown,

Prepare yourself with plasters all round

The dictator has come around,

Bow to this oppression or be broken by it

This is the hiccup in spring.

Pillow Fairytales.

Pillow fairytales. By Anuoluwapo Kehinde

At night-

Like always,

I contemplate.

The ways you could love me,

The ways you would cherish and hold,

Till death do us part-

I journey to a world where we were together

A little cottage on a hill

With children bustling at our feet.

We are happy.

Living a story we created,

While we were young-

A fairytale so sweet it makes my gums hurt,

My eyes bleed from reality-

Stung by the truth of it all.

Dreams are fiction and so far from the real,

My mind journeys back to this world.

And I fall asleep to the rhythm of my broken heart,

Like always, watering my pillow

For more dreams to grow,

About the ways you could love me.

Even if you don’t.

Flowers.

Flowers. By Anuoluwapo Kehinde

Teeny tiny pieces of me break as you all die and fade away

Little bits and bobs of love shatter into caskets

Buried by the small glasses of love moulded into coffins

Layered in mini petals of grief

I hate death for this.

Flowers don’t look the same when their petals fall.

My heart was filled with love before you died

It reduced the moment they called…

“Call it”

“Time of death: 8:59pm”

And death like the piped piper called you home

Too soon

Too soon, I forgot your love, your warmth, your face as well

Too soon you were gone and I was alone

Too soon my heart filled with love decreased

My ability to love the same way,

No longer a concept I want to entertain

I still think of you every day

Every year that goes by

My teeny tiny self loving you like nobody else

My thoughts in bits and bobs, fragmented

Grief an emotion I’ve learnt to bury 6ft under with you.

Flowers don’t look the same when their petals fall.

Reflection

“What was I pouring out when nothing was pouring into me”

I recently heard this sentence and decided to reflect on it at a later date.

This sentence, pregnant with so much meaning, looks simple. And it is don’t get me wrong. But it is definitely life changing.

So like always, when I reflect, let’s break it down.

‘What was I pouring out’

So that’s questioning what I was putting out into the world. What energy I was producing. Was I a blessing? What did I contribute? What did I have to offer? What did I have to give? What could I even give?

Then the statement… ‘when nothing was pouring into me’

What am I getting back? How am I being refilled? Am i getting anything back from what I contributed?

Think about it…how can you pour out anything if there is nothing within. When the vessel is empty, what can the vessel give? If there is no rain, what can be drawn from a well?

Then It made me question what if…something was coming in. What then?

We have to question what we are allowing in now. What if you’re pouring out negativity and you’re letting more negativity in. What will become of the world around you?

Alternatively, if you’re letting good things into you, then you’ll surely pour out positivity, light and love.

To conclude my reflection. I hope in the year 2019, what I pour out is only goodness, motivated by the fruits of the spirit I would have acquired. I pray what is poured into me, to replenish me so I have enough to pour out, are the fruits of the spirit. Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self control.

Have a blessed year guys x

Act broke stack notes

Act Broke Stack Notes

The real Tea

When people ask about money management, those who have a lot of money usually say “save” or “act broke stack notes”

And I’d like to dive deeper into this and what it means to me.

So, to me, acting broke and stacking notes is not the same as being stingy. If someone asks you for money and you have it…bless them as God would bless you.

Acting broke and stacking notes is not going out and having fun. It’s budgeting and compromising. Deciding which events are worth your money and having as much fun as possible.

Acting broke and stacking notes does not mean you need to make others feel bad about spending money. Mind your own finances and remain in your financial lane.

Acting broke and stacking notes means you should not steal from people, rob people, con anyone out of their money, do fraud etc.

I personally believe the act broke stack notes mentality is for those making legitimate money.

Act broke stack notes also means can you buy this item cheaper somewhere else? Must this biscuit be branded or can it be shop value? Will it save you 60p or even a £1 more.

If you think like you’re broke, and act like it, you’ll save a whole lot more money!

Act broke stack notes means, if someone offers to pay, shut up and accept it. Unless their financial situation is dire and you know it, don’t talk. Just let the other person pay. A broke person doesn’t spend money when they don’t have to.

Act broke stack notes means, living within your means at all times. It means budgeting and learning how to stay within budget.

Acting broke and stacking notes is hard, it’s not simple, it requires a lot of restraint. But it’s doable and the rewards…Boy, are they worth it.

Have fun acting broke and stacking notes guys x

Love me like you do.

Love me like you do. By Anuoluwapo Kehinde

Hey baby, I love you

Hey baby, please talk to me

Hey baby, why won’t you fucking listen, don’t be rude

Baby, don’t get me mad, you know i hate it when you don’t pay attention

Baby, just fucking stop

Look here, you’re pushing all my buttons

——————

Now look what you fucking made me do

I said I loved you but you were rude

Why didn’t you listen, be obedient like you should

Heck, stop crying, I’m not in the mood

You know I still love you

You just get me mad sometimes, don’t you?

——————

I heard you, I heard you

I just forgot what it meant

You know I get forgetful

I still love you, I’ll repent

I know you didn’t mean to

I can be a handful but I’ll bend

You love me, I know you do

But don’t take it out on them too

Album review 1

MoStack’s Debut Album- Stacko

There has been a growing hype surrounding MoStack’s new album Stacko. With the recent announcement of his UK Tour, expectations on his new album has risen. Now finally dropped, the album lives up to the hype.

Stacko takes us on a journey of growth, financially, socially and mentally. MoStacko, uses his creative medium to tell us his experiences as a man in the music industry. As a listener, I picked up on several things that I’d like to share and even one day discuss with MoStack himself.

My observations are not in chronological order based on the song list in the album. Instead, they are based on what played first on shuffle on Spotify.

What I observed through listening:

Take em Down has a Clartin’ vibe (J Hus song in Common Sense album). I love it. Honestly at a concert I need Clartin’ & Take em down to be played one after the other. I want to feel the same the energy that the two songs produce. I especially love the soft, fading ending of Take em down, to say this song is good is an understatement; it’s sensational.

STINKING RICH. Let’s just say I wasn’t ready. Three of my favourite UK artists in one song? My head was spinning. Prior to this album dropping, MoStack tweeted: “In less than a few hours there’s going to be a MoStack x Dave x J Hus out.” 33.7k likes later and I’m still not over the introduction of this collaboration. I really believe the features on this album are a power move but we will talk about that later.

Lyrics from Stinking Rich that really moved me:

“I went from a chump to a champion as I flip the script” (MoStack)

Just deep this- chump means “a foolish or easily deceived person”. We all know what a champion is already so, MoStack LITERALLY flipped the script. He gave us a juxtaposition of character traits, and he alliterates them. When he said he flipped the script he really did.

“Bought my girl a purse and now they want to pursue me” (Dave)

Dave’s word play has always been amazing and super tight. With him I’m always careful to re-listen because his lyrics often go over my head. He is essentially telling the narrative of how he does something sweet for his girl and now people either follow him to get a similar treatment or try to attack him for it. He could be talking about anyone regardless of gender. It’s a clever line. Often male artists aren’t allowed to show a soft side even if it’s to their significant other. This line embodies the difficulty of doing gestures like buying a purse for a girl and dealing with consequences such as persecution.

“You don’t know my life, but I’ll give you a summary

They tried trick me with their reverse psychology” (J Hus)

I love this line because it reminds the public about the struggles J Hus has had with the authorities and we sympathise with him for it. It also reminds us that we don’t know anyone and indirects teaches us to not judge a person for what we don’t know. Giving us a summary, implies trust but the trust is so limited because even the summary he provides is so limit. However, the summary he gives is pregnant with meaning. He THEN goes on being his playful self, by giving us a line that IS reverse psychology. “Fifty racks on me, but I’m looking all raggedy”

A lot of rich and affluent people have been said to behave in this manner. Wearing expensive clothing but not looking expensive is part of the reverse psychology mentality to suggest the money can’t always be seen. The true nature of things can’t always be known, which takes us back to his previous line “you don’t know my life”.

The rhyme scheme and the flow in his section of the song is undeniably skilled. What I did take away from this feature is that J Hus’ voice is changing so much. I can’t exactly describe it but something is different in his tone. This does not, however, impact his lyricism as it continues to develop immensely.

As a whole I lived for every single intro to all of his songs in this album, they are mental. You’d think he’s about to do country music, electronics or even bashment but then it transition into a grime/hip hop beat. I like how the instrumentals force you expect nothing from MoStack. This is a good thing because he can deliver to an un-expectant audience and hopefully like myself, they’ll be pleasantly surprised.

I have the uttermost respect for the way MoStack proudly calls the female genitalia a vagina. I find it respectful which is ironic because his music often depicts women in a not so respectful light.

My last observation is the features present on this album. MoStack has very strong features; Dolapo, Dave, J Hus, Stormzy. Amazing, right?

These are part of UK’s finest artists, that are constantly in the media’s light and are always on the rise. This was a very strategic album and I cannot wait for his concert in London to enjoy his music live.